So to make a long story as short as possible, I had a great girlfriend who was the best friend I have had in a very long time. It's the first time I had opened myself to a female friendship in a very long time. We were great together, but she was constantly trashing her husband (and I mean, talking about him in ways I don't even talk about my ex's...). He was constantly disrespectful to her and their marriage. When we would hang out as couples, there was so much negativity, it would resonate throughout my day. I really tried to make it work, but I just couldn't get around how much I disliked her husband. She would come to me to rant about him, then when we had plans for something that was really important to me, she bailed for his benefit. I sought out advice on how to deal with not liking my best friend's husband and what I found was a lot of hurt people who had lost a friendship because the friend chose the husband over the friendship.
Over the course of a few weeks, our friendship took some hits. Instead of the constant interaction I had become accustomed to (Facebook, Pinterest, texting, etc.), she pointedly distanced herself from me. She started getting frustrated with friends not hanging out with them, and started posting digs about our situation online. Instead of coming to me with the problem, I was started seeing thinly veiled, snide comments about what was happening between us. I decided to cut out the negativity. I really tried to make things work in spite of the constant negativity, but I just couldn't.
After discussing the fact that I didn't want to hang out as couples, only the two of us, she cut me off. She said she didn't know how she was going to have a genuine friendship with someone who didn't like her husband. This is something I just don't understand. I hadn't liked her husband from day 1. Regardless, I always listened and never said any negative thing about him. I don't understand having a requirement for friends to like your husband. We are all different people. Just because you love your husband doesn't mean every one else will. And making that a requirement for friendships is just foolish, in my opinion.
She was angry at being removed from my friend's list on Facebook without any discussion, but I told her I knew that if I was honest with her about my feelings towards her husband that I would lose the friendship.
And I did.
I don't do well with loss.
Because of this, I tend to dissect myself away from the possibility of experiencing loss in the future. Not great.
So I'm really trying to take this and be positive. I feel better about getting rid of the toxic and tense part of that friendship, but I am deeply saddened at the loss of a friendship. I am deeply saddened for her, as this is not the first time her relationship with her husband has tainted or destroyed her relationship with others who care for her. And I dare say, it won't be the last.
Loss is emotionally taxing for all of us. My hope for myself and you is that we are able to learn and overcome, but not shut out love. Don't shut out opportunities to experience love, friendship, companionship because of the fear of loss.
Cause let's be honest, when we let go of fear, peace will come.