<![CDATA[Cause Let's Be Honest... - Blog]]>Mon, 14 Dec 2015 00:37:10 -0800Weebly<![CDATA[Am I  (insert adjective here) Enough to Achieve my Goals?]]>Fri, 25 Jul 2014 04:05:44 GMThttp://causeletsbehonest.weebly.com/blog/am-i-insert-adjective-here-enough-to-achieve-my-goalsLet me tell you how this blog post is going to go: I'm going to gush a little bit about my fears and then we'll end on a positive note with a little motivation. 

'Cause Homegirl needs it.

P.S. I refer to myself as Homegirl and Momma a lot. I am not ghetto nor am I a mother, but here we are...

I am truly terrified of my future. 
                                                                                             Click below to

I have great plans laid out though:

I will graduate in May 2015 with my B.S. in Psychology from the University of Central Florida. I will get all A's for the remaining two semesters that I have. I will raise my GPA to at least a 3.75. I will take the LSAT in December of this year. I will pass with at least a 160. I will apply to William & Mary Law in Virginia and I will be accepted! I will graduate from law school and become a successful attorney. I will be proud of everything I have accomplished.

Here's where things get squirelly. (sp? Love that word though.)

With my husband being in the Navy, we have to match the future with a Navy base that has  a law school that is relatively close. That's been fun. We also have to match it with a good Navy base that has a job that will help my husband with his military career. The one law school that works out pretty decently for me is next to a base he does not want to go to. Great. We also have to match it with a law school that is decent and will not charge a million dollars a year in tuition.

Moreover, my husband has to put in for orders in about 20 minutes (well, it seems like it anyway) so I have to decide where I want to go before I can even apply to see whether or not I will be admitted. 

So needless to say, things are getting hairy.

And all of this makes me so nervous. Those stupid what-if's. What if my husband makes the sacrifice of going to a base he hates on the hope I will get into a school and I don't? What if I don't get in, we're there, and I don't have any backups. It's not like I have the luxury of just moving across the country to the law school I would like to go to. Well, it's a possibility, but I don't want to do that. My husband is never here as it is and that would just bankrupt us emotionally. What if I don't get the LSAT score I need? What if I can't get my GPA up high enough? What if my husband can't get stationed close to that law school? What if my husband can't get stationed close to ANY law school?

What if's KILL me...always have. 

But I saw this and it totally spoke to me: 
Isn't this insanely simple?
I guess here's what I need to believe:
I will graduate in May 2015 with my B.S. in Psychology from the University of Central Florida. I will get all A's for the remaining two semesters that I have. I will raise my GPA to at least a 3.75. I will take the LSAT in December of this year. I will pass with at least a 160. I will apply to William & Mary Law in Virginia and I will be accepted! I will graduate from law school and become a successful attorney. I will be proud of everything I have accomplished.

Cause let's be honest, sometimes you just have to let go and believe.

Be honest: Tell me something you would love to accomplish, but might be holding yourself back from accomplishing?

<![CDATA[Tu Me Manques: You Are Missing From Me]]>Sun, 08 Jun 2014 14:07:34 GMThttp://causeletsbehonest.weebly.com/blog/tu-me-manques-you-are-missing-from-me
Well, deployment is right around the corner. My heart is just aching.

And then I'm angry. 

And I'll be the first to admit that I am not one of those military spouses who is just thrilled with military life and all of it's "adventures". I grew up in the Air Force lifestyle and thought Navy would be similar. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA. 

You could call me bitter.

I'll try to make an  excruciatingly long story, shorter:
My husband has had the shittiest end of most deals when it comes to rules, changes, schedules, deployments, assignments, etc. And of course, what screws him, screws me too.

Boot camp: his battalion got the least amount of phone calls-he called me twice. Once, the "I'MHEREILOVEYOUIHAVETOGOBYE" and the other was for about 30 minutes. Far less than anyone elses (I was part of a website where moms and wives exchanged information about bootcamp and supported each other...turned out to be the bane of my existence).

Boot Camp Graduation: almost everyone that graduates is allowed the weekend of liberty. We found out about 3 days prior to paying for the hotel and getting a plane flight that included that entire weekend that, NOPE! He gets 6 hours and then leaves at 3 a.m. for school. So it was an enchanting early morning that I got with my husband at the airport. Then I got to sit in Illinois/Michigan in balmy March for 3 more days without my husband. That was an awesome way to spend a huge amount of money we didn't have!

First Duty Station: "It's fine, we'll be together at our first duty station and things will be better!" Orders come out: Gulfport, MS. Dear. God. How great to sign up for the Navy and be brought to America's armpit. (Sorry for those of you that think MS is great...I am not one that does and I'm painfully honest about it.) Oh! And as soon as he gets here, he was instantly deployed. So no living together, setting up a house together or even moving together. See ya!

First move: Did I mention, I did this by myself? Oh, yeah. About a month after the death and funeral of my grandmother (which I attended by myself), I packed a huge Uhaul with all of our crap, put our car on a tow hitch on the back and left on a 9 hour drive that ended up taking nearly 14. Tow dolly got a flat tire on the way there. Did I mention, I had an appointment with housing right before they closed so I could get a house on base since I had nowhere else to go? Luckily, I was able to get someone to stay past closing for me, but yeah not pleasant. I was using my husbands card to pay for gas, they suspended it because I used it in too many states...so my parents had to wire me money for food-because did I mention, we were broke as a joke? Did I also mention that I moved here in the middle of a Hurricane? Literally-it was a Category 1/Tropical Storm, so no big deal to someone who spent a TON of time in Tampa, but still...it was raining, and lightning like CRAZY. My awesome military neighbors stood around watching me move in-never waved, never said a word. And I could go on and on about my first move, but I think you get the point. Let's sum it up with this: I called the camping area on base to ask if I could use the laundry facilities there for one load since I had no clean underwear and couldn't afford appliances, husband is deployed and I'm new to the area and alone, etc.-the lady interrupted me and said, "Let me just cut you short on all your woes and sorrows..." Welcome to the Navy!

So let's talk about this deployment (as much as I can without giving any details at all so we can all be in the dark together-ahhh, OPSEC!): schedules came out and a huge amount of people get to stay back for a MUCH shorter deployment to a place that could definitely, and IS definitely an exotic paradise. My husband is going to a place where it is required that he take medication to prevent malaria and another to fight the possibility of a bacterial infection...sweet.

And ALLLLLLLLLLL of the wives I talk to-their husbands get exotic, short deployment where they are allowed to visit their husbands. And then there's me. 

I just get tired of feeling like we get the short end of the stick every, single, freakin' time!!

I know living in negativity is NOT the way to live! But I'm very realistic about our situation-it hasn't been pleasant, fun or easy. Not that I expected it to be rainbows and butterflies AT ALL. But I'll tel you what, I certainly never expected THIS. 

On a calmer, more positive note: I have a wad of things to accomplish when my husband is gone. I'll be fine. We'll be fine.

Cause let's be honest: Every little thing, is gonna be alright-Bob Marley

<![CDATA[Ask.fm :: Ask Me Something!]]>Wed, 28 May 2014 14:47:54 GMThttp://causeletsbehonest.weebly.com/blog/askfm-ask-me-somethingCauseLet'sBeHonest Blog is officially up and running on Ask.fm! 

Check me out over there to get the inside scoop on your favorite blog author or to get some advice/clarification on anything I've discussed. Got ideas or requests for upcoming blog posts or my Love It/Leave It section? Let me know!

Check it: http://ask.fm/causeletsbehonest

<![CDATA[Deployment Dread: Tips to Beat Back the Blues]]>Tue, 20 May 2014 14:20:27 GMThttp://causeletsbehonest.weebly.com/blog/deployment-dread-tips-to-beat-back-the-bluesWell, it's that time again.

Deployment is around the corner and I'm stuck in that psychotic flurry of emotions, including but not limited to: anger, sadness, loneliness, anxiety (shocker) and just plain crazy.

I found this pin yesterday that was just awesome at describing the cycle of emotions surrounding deployment. Check it:
                                                                                               Click below to
I think there's a thousand more things that could be added to that, but it really covers the basics quite nicely.

So I'm in the anticipation/dread stage. 

I find myself absolutely saying, "Well, I may as well get used to doing it myself." And I say it out loud too when my husband is trying to help me. Eh, that's not very nice. 


So, how do we combat this?

1) Be mindful of your feelings and thoughts. 

There are several ways to do that and you can start by taking things more slowly than usual. Pay attention to your feelings. (I have sad/weird/lonely feelings cropping up now all over the place-when I see my husband's dirty underwear on the floor, I think, "Oh, I won't see that again for a long time...better soak it up." WHAT?!) Journaling is a great way to explore these feelings and responses to situations. If you can understand the underlying reasons behind certain feelings and behaviors, you are in a better position to help yourself deal with them in a healthy, positive and effective manner.

2) Open a line of honest and open communication with your spouse. 

Remember, they probably will never know what you go through up to, during and following deployment and vice versa. It's a time to "pop the hood" on the relationship, as I say, and see how everything's working. You may find that there are some things that need to be cleaned up, refilled or replaced. Sit down and have a conversation about both of your emotions during this time. Let them know how you're feeling and if you have particular moments (like the dirty underwear...), let them know. Be okay with the fact that he may not be as broken down about leaving-he's a different person and that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. You will be missed...promise.

3) Make a list of 100 things you want to accomplish over the next howevermany months.

I saw the cutest idea on Pinterest from a blog (Jo, My Gosh!) that suggested this and I just LOVE it! Essentially, you create a list of things you want to accomplish over a timeframe (could be a year or the amount of months for the deployment.) Make it as many or as few as you want and be creative! Be bold! Be fearless! Be fun! I'll be working on my list over the next few days and I'll share it!
I try to tell the members of my FRG group that deployment can be a time to work on yourself, better yourself, care for yourself. Let them come home to a spouse that is happy and healthy, not ruined and wrecked. (Note: I have days, and undoubtedly we all do, where ruined and wrecked sounds like a vacation compared to the turmoil I find myself in. It's okay. Admit it, love it and move up and onward from it!)

A note. I am much more than a Navy spouse. I have passions, interests and traits that are completely independent of my husband or my affiliations to the military lifestyle.. So I'll sprinkle some of the MilSo stuff in with the regular old me stuff as well. This blog is not meant to simply focus on deployments or military lifestyles, but it is undoubtedly a HUGE part of my life

Cause let's be honest, deployment is a bitch.

Be Honest:
How do you feel in the months/weeks/days leading up to deployment?

<![CDATA[A Moment in the Life of Anxiety Girl-5 Ways to Calm the Beast]]>Thu, 06 Mar 2014 05:51:22 GMThttp://causeletsbehonest.weebly.com/blog/a-moment-in-the-life-of-anxiety-girl-5-ways-to-calm-the-beast
I suffer from crippling anxiety.

I won't go into all of the details of how this came about or the possibilities of why (don't worry, I've explored those details and possibilities in some self-discovery and therapy). Suffice it to say that I haven't always been this way-just about the last 3 years or so.

And God bless it, it's the most frustrating thing. 

I told my husband I am petrified of the anxiety I'm probably going to have when we fly to California this Spring (and I know, I'm already setting myself up...) and he said, "Well, just don't worry." I looked at him with daggers and said, "I could kill you for saying that." (Now we have that kind of fun relationship, so don't go feeling sorry for him just yet. And to be fair, he is exceedingly comforting and supportive of my mountain of neuroses.)

But it brings me to a serious point-those who are outside looking in don't really understand it. Man, I'm telling you, if there was a switch somewhere inside me to just "turn it off" and just "stop worrying". Boom-I'd sell a kidney for it.

                                                                                    Click below to
But honestly, it's true. 

I explained to my husband (and honestly, I think I have the best analogy EVER):

It's like my brain is a small room with "me" in it looking at these other two "me's" (we'll call them Jane and Jill). Sometimes when there is a problem or I just start to feel anxious for no apparent reason, I go to this imaginary room and look at Jane and Jill. Jane is sitting calmly in a chair saying quietly, "It's going to be fine. You are just thinking catastrophically. This too shall pass. It's all manageable. You're okay, I promise." Sounds good, right?

Then there's Jill. Jill is standing on her chair pumping her fists in the air, stomping her feet (sometimes jumping), sometimes running her hands crazily through her hair, a wild look in her eyes screaming, "WE ARE GOING TO DIE! SERIOUSLY, WE'RE DYING!!!!!!!!!"

Who do you listen to? Honestly. If that you walked into a small room with that going on, who are you going to pay attention to? Ever heard of the phrase, "The squeaky wheel gets the grease?" It's true!!

Here's another example-I literally had to talk myself down out of a full blown anxiety attack touring the Pensacola Naval Air Station Museum planes outside on a cute little trolley (not quite a diagnoseable panic attack, but there were definitely some rising physiological reactions). It came out of nowhere and for absolutely no reason other than my (and I know we are supposed to be nice to ourselves, but let's get real) STUPID brain says:

Brain: Oh man, what are you going to do if you have to go to the bathroom. Or wait...THE HOSPITAL?

Me: Oh no. I hadn't thought about that. It's true, he had a little remote to get onto this airstrip...yikes, I can't just get up and walk off the trolley. Oh no!

Brain: I know! But I mean, think about it-look! Our heart is beating a lot faster, palms are getting sweaty, you're feeling dizzy...oh no-we need to go the hospital and we can't.

Me: Oh my gosh, I can't believe I was so wreckless and decided to get myself into a situation where I'm trapped like this, obviously dying and no way to get to a hospital to save myself!


Okay, I know, I'm certifiable crazy. 

No, but I do have some things to work on, for sure.

Here are 5 ways that I calm "the crazy":

1) Meditation. Yoga.
(You didn't think you could read a blog post on this site without this bring brought up, did you?? Honestly, now. We know each other better than that.) I'm telling you, without these two things I would be heavily medicated with a whole slew of other symptoms other than my psychosomatic ones. A mess, is what I would be. I can tell you that my panic attacks and episodes of panicking are now very few and far between (it's important to differentiate between the two). I feel myself rising to 10, but honestly haven't gone past an 8. I used to go to 11. I've talked about the benefits of yoga. Try it here. I swear, you will see improvements in your stress and anxiety levels. You just will.

2) Try an app for on-the-go anxiety issues! 
Stop Panic and Anxiety-Self Help is awesome. Find if here. This helps to distract me, categorize my thinking and honestly, get a grip. It also offers meditation and an audio portion for when you are having a panic attack-talking you through it. Amazing, honestly.

3) Find a creative outlet.
Find something you can do that keeps your hands and your mind busy. If you need to always have a book with you so that you can distract yourself, do it. Paint. Draw. Journal. Blog. Do something to distract yourself and give yourself a way to be creative. It's really a two-fold concept. Positivity all around :)

4) Take care of yourself. 
Find something you love-stretching? A bubble bath? A piece of dark chocolate? Sitting outside feeling the sun on your face? A walk on the beach? A good cup of coffee? Volunteering? A phone call with a friend? A video game? Going for a drive? Find something that you love and do it whenever you feel your anxiety getting the best of you. Try to relax and focus on the simplicity of what you're doing-when the sun is shining on you, are you fully aware of the fact that you are bathing in starlight? How beautiful! Focus on the little things and soak up the calming energy that is released when you take a moment to nurture yourself.

5) Learn how to handle being inside of a panic episode.
Let's talk about when you are in the middle of a panic attack. I've been there-it's horrible. My stomach is instantly upset, I have weird temperature fluctuations, heart palpitations, I start to shake uncontrollably, I feel like I can't swallow, I feel like I can't breathe, I want to run away from myself (weirdest sensation ever). If you didn't download the app listed above, or if you are are somewhere that you can't listen to the audio portion of the app try this: you want to grab the attention of your brain that is now in the fast lane. Give it a bit of a brick wall by forcefully directing the attention elsewhere. If you are somewhere where it is appropriate, say the name of everything you see out loud (e.g. "lamp", "ring" "popcorn", etc.) If you are somewhere where talking out loud isn't a good idea, say it to yourself. You want your tone to be firm at first, but then you will find that you can become gentle with yourself. Remember to breathe deeply, or try to anyway. By diverting attention and giving the brain another task (labeling things in the room) and utilizing the senses, it detracts from the chaotic behavior of the panic attack.

I hope that you can find something in this list that works for you and I hope you can come to a point where you find peace. Maybe anxiety isn't your battle, but if it is, know that you're not alone.

Cause let's be honest, we're all a little crazy sometimes.

Be Honest: 
Tell me what you think about this. Does it make sense to you? Are your experiences the same, different?