I won't go into all of the details of how this came about or the possibilities of why (don't worry, I've explored those details and possibilities in some self-discovery and therapy). Suffice it to say that I haven't always been this way-just about the last 3 years or so.
And God bless it, it's the most frustrating thing.
I told my husband I am petrified of the anxiety I'm probably going to have when we fly to California this Spring (and I know, I'm already setting myself up...) and he said, "Well, just don't worry." I looked at him with daggers and said, "I could kill you for saying that." (Now we have that kind of fun relationship, so don't go feeling sorry for him just yet. And to be fair, he is exceedingly comforting and supportive of my mountain of neuroses.)
But it brings me to a serious point-those who are outside looking in don't really understand it. Man, I'm telling you, if there was a switch somewhere inside me to just "turn it off" and just "stop worrying". Boom-I'd sell a kidney for it.
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