First, I lost a friend. Which I will post about separately, because I definitely have some things to say about it.
Second, schooling has become a little overwhelming. I'm in my last year of undergrad and I'm going to be applying for grad school soon. With that, comes a whole new bunch of stresses. But I'm going to be zen about it and just breathe. Focus on what I'm doing now-present moment, all that jazz...
And third...my spouses group. I have complained and complained about the military not supporting families without children. Hell, they don't even recognize people like us as being a "family". The military lifestyle has it's ups and BOY does it have it's ridiculously sucky downs. So I created a support group on Facebook for spouses in my area without children. I have 26 members, I have met 3 of them and I have hosted nearly 20 events over the past 2 and a half months with attendance at only one event. ONE. There are a variety of excuses, but one that gets my goat is: I will start participating once my husband deploys.
Ladies, you can't just have friends during deployments. I know, I tried this and it doesn't work. I present two scenarios. Click "Read More" below to see how it pans out...
1) You don't have friends in the area. Maybe you just PCSed, or maybe you moved here a long time ago, but you decide to put off forming friendships and support systems with others because you want to savor every moment with your husband before deployment. Believe me, I KNOW how tempting this is. If you're like me, your husband is your best friend and your support group, but it can't be this way and be healthy for you or your marriage. I promise you that. (Note: I mean this if he is your ONLY friend and your ONLY support.) And talking to friends and family over the phone isn't the same. It's just not. It's helps, but it's not everything. You will cling to your husband desperately, savoring every minuscule moment and guess what? He's going to leave.
Now, it takes at least a week, if not more, for them to travel to wherever in Gods' green Earth and possibly get internet to talk to you. That's if you're lucky. After that, he may be able to call once a day...if you're lucky. So here's what's going to happen: He's going to get on that bus and get on that plane and fly out of your life and you will be lonely. Very lonely. That first couple of days is just crawling with loneliness, pain, heartbreak...I know, believe me. Now, wouldn't you rather have a girlfriend or a group of friends to text or call to see how you're doing? Make sure you're alive? I know plenty of wives who have told me they go out to movies, dinner, whatever-alone...
IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY, SO DON'T SET YOURSELF UP FOR IT!
2) You have friends, a spouse support group, etc., but you blow them off to spend time with your soon-to-be-peacing-out husband. NO! Again, I know it's tempting, but it's not the right way to do things. (And let's get it straight, I'm just saying this for your benefit, not mine.) First of all, and I know I'm repeating myself, but...you're not doing yourself any favors. Second, what message is that sending to people who you're going to turn to when he leaves? No one likes a fairweather friend. Now, I am super understanding of spending the majority of your time with your husband, especially before deployment-I won't condemn you for that! However, you still need to make sure you aren't completely blowing your friends or groups off.
Take an hour every week with some friends. It's not going to kill you. Maybe you miss him the whole time, maybe you forget about the upcoming doom of deployment and you enjoy yourself.
I certainly don't want this to sound judgmental or accusatory. Deployments are super touchy emotionally (my husband leaves in 6 months and I'm already struggling with the dread...). I just want to shed some light on some areas where you may need some self-evaluation.
Cause let's be honest, we can all be better to husbands, our friends and most important, ourselves.